Rita (The Better Half).

   I mentioned in my first entry that my wife has cancer and I've touched on it here and there but I haven't gone into much detail about it so maybe now is the time to do so.

  The name for this type of cancer is Myloma. It is a cancer of the blood and although it is treatable, it is, ultimately, incurable. Rita was diagnosed some six years ago and at the time she was informed that the treatment could extend her life for up to eight to ten years. Of course, the diagnosis was something of a shock but the time limit of ten years didn't really sink in, for either of us. The treatment was a form of chemotherapy in tablet form. There were a couple of hiccups when she first started the treatment and both times she spent a week in hospital, but eventually, her body settled down and accepted things. There were a few side effects though nothing too unmanageable. Swollen ankles, constant tiredness, occasional vomiting. Considering the alternative though, we were pretty lucky.

  Five years down the line and the myloma has become immune to this treatment so, on to the next stage of chemo. This treatment is given intravenously and Reet has to spend one day a week in the cancer ward to have it. The first session took all day and, in fact, they had to keep her in overnight to finish it. This was because Reet's blood pressure went a little too high for their liking and they had to stop the treatment until it settled back down again. A minor drama but nothing too serious.

  The second session was much smoother and a little quicker, and the third session, which she had just yesterday, (Tuesday April 30th) was quicker still. After nine weeks of this the treatment sessions will change to once a fortnight and then, eventually, once a month. They can keep her on this regime indefinitely, so long as it keeps fighting the cancer. Fingers crossed on that score.

Although the illness has progressed, the treatment seems to have even less side effects than before. She has the odd flush or two and is still tired but other than that Reet's coping really well. Physically at least.

  Mentally on the face of things Rita is doing great too but I know it must be scary to face your mortality every day. Reet is very pragmatic and accepts the fact that her time is short. But of course, beneath the surface,  I know she is frightened. Hell, I'm frightened for her too but there isn't much we can do about things It's a 'one day at a time' scenario and all we can do is see it through at its own pace. 

  In the meantime we try not to let it rule our lives, although the weekly hospital visits make that difficult. We talk about it, we discuss my future after her death, we have discussed funeral arrangements - mind you all Rita said on the subject was "just make sure you get me some fresias." We don't ignore it, how could we? We talk to friends about it and we keep it there in the forefront of our ongoing lives but we don't give in to the fear and we don't mope around feeling sorry for ourselves. We simply carry on as usual. 

  I did ask Reet if she had a bucket list of things she wanted to do but, as anybody who knows her will testify, she has little or no ambitions and has always been content to plod along in life with no hobbies to speak of and no particular preferences or opinions on anything at all. That's okay. It's how she has always been and I wasn't at all surprised that she didn't see the need for a bucket list at all. She did, however, mention, at one stage, that it would be nice to see the house finished (by that, she means the decorating etc) before she goes, which is why I have been spending a lot of time doing up the living  room lately, but that is a story for another time.

  Although I say it doesn't rule our lives, I guess in many ways it has to really. Our next step is to contact the local St Francis Hospice. We have dealt with the hospice and MacMillan nurses before when Reet's mum had cancer. They are wonderful people, those nurses. I called them a couple of times during the night when looking after mum and their patience and advice was always so helpful. I really can't sing their praises enough. Now we want to kind of plan for what comes next so we're hoping to go see them and arrange a few things. Apparently, they do some reiki healing and zone therapy, the kind of holistic approach that hospitals tend to avoid so we're hoping Reet can get a little of that.

  And that is the story so far. It's a long way from over though so watch this space!

B. x

Oh, how I suffer...

  What can I say? Eighteen months since my last entry.  Well that's just not good enough! I shall give myself a good, stern talking to and ensure that it doesn't happen again.

  Okay, first things first. Reet's cancer has progressed. The meds she was on have stopped working so now she has to go to the second stage of treatment. This will entail going into the chemo ward once a week for an infusion. It will be a long winded affair so we'll have to write off the whole day but, given the options, it's a small price to pay. One brighter note is that this next wave of treatment doesn't have as many side effects as the last so in some ways she should be feeling a little better. The myloma is still getting worse though and it's beginning to hit home that Reet only has three to five years left. Of course she could go on longer but according to her specialist that really isn't likely. As I said, it's a sobering thought!

  Compared to Reet, my own health is hardly worth mentioning, but, of course, I'm going to. The thing is, although my health issues aren't as urgent as Rita's, they take up a huge part of my life and can't be ignored. I'll give a quick run down and you'll see what  I mean.

  I have type two diabetes; high blood pressure; high cholesterol; sleep apnoea and an enlarged prostate. As well as these I also have a replacement knee which, although better than my original knee, still gives me some pain and I have ongoing osteo-arthritis in my other knee which is painful as hell! You see what I mean? Each ailment, of itself, isn't too bad, but putting up with them all at the same time can be draining, to say the least. And the pills I have to take!! Sheesh!

  So anyway, I do try my best not to moan about these aches and pains but sometimes they take their toll and I get to feeling sorry for myself and wondering 'why me' etc. The wallowing doesn't last long though and mostly I dig in and just get on with things.

  However, I was walking the dog a couple of months back and I trod on something which caused my foot to shoot forwards and I ended up falling over and looking and feeling like a fool, especially as a passing car pulled over to see if I was alright. Made me feel very old I can tell you. The point is though, I did some damage to my ankle and the tendons around it. I managed to hobble my way home with the mutt pulling me all the way and collapsed on the sofa in extreme pain. My ankle was swollen for a few days and the dog walks were shortened to a short trip around a very small block. 

  When the swelling had gone down I ended up with a terrible pain in my heel caused by something called Plantar Fasciitis. I won't go into detail except to say it's extremely painful and almost impossible to walk with this condition (look it up if you're curious). What you have to understand is that I was already in pain from both my knees and now this. Let me tell you now, it is impossible to limp on both legs at the same time!

  So anyway, that was something like two months ago and since then I have been to the doctor three times. First visit, be gave me some physio exercises to do. They worked a little but didn't last. The next visit, he booked me in for a steroid injection and, in the meantime, suggested I get a ''night splint". Basically, this is a plastic boot that holds your ankle/heel in the correct position to aid heeling. You have to wear this thing in bed, hence the name. Well, I bought one, twenty quid from Amazon. (Where else? Try shopping online and avoiding Amazon, I swear it's impossible!) 

 I wore this contraption the first night and, in the morning - a transformation! Honestly, I couldn't believe how much better things were. So much so that I considered cancelling the steroid injection.

  But I didn't do that right away. I thought I would give it a day or two to see if the pain came back. Well actually, the pain hadn't gone away completely so I wore the boot a couple more nights but without further improvement. Oh, and in the meantime I developed another crippling pain in my other leg. It was like a constant cramp in the calf muscle and no amount of stretching would shift it. Honestly, you have no idea how hard it is to walk an excitable dog when you have two arthritic knees, a severe heel pain and a vicelike cramp all going on at the same time! By this time you can bet I was feeling sorry for myself, and to be honest, I felt more than a little entitled.

  The doctor said  plantar thingummy-itis takes quite a while to go away so I may need to be patient. I told him I'd had it for two months already and he replied "Yes, I know. It could take up to two years!" That shook me I can tell you. No way could I put up with this for two years!

  So, I had the injection - yesterday, as it happens. The doc says it will get worse before it gets better. Oh wonderful, just what I needed! As I write, it is the following morning and all my pains are still with me. The plantar fasci-wotsit has eased a fair bit and the cramp is slowly easing off each day. The knees, well, the knees are constantly painful, the severity affected by the weather, depending if it's damp, dry, hot cold,humid... Well you get the idea. But I've lived with the knee pain for the best part of thirty years so I'm kind of used to it and just accept it.

  I'm wearing my boot at night, doing the physio during the day and waiting for the steroid injection to do its thing.  Meanwhile I have upped my pain killer quota and the dog is  getting three short walks per day instead of two longer ones and will no doubt expect it every day from now on! Oh well, at least someone is benefitting from my discomfort.

  Well, that was a much longer entry than I planned.  See, I may not whnge about my problems very often but when I do, boy can I go on!

  B. X